Are You a Perfectionist or an Optimist?

Posted on May 06, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

Being happy or being perfect. The happy/joyful life is attainable, but the perfect life is not. In fact, trying to be perfect will always get in the way of the satisfied life.

Perfectionism is the maladaptive and neurotic belief that you and/or your environment must be perfect, and that anything that is less than perfect is just not unacceptable. Yet there’s a big difference between setting high standards that spur a person toward reaching a lofty goal – and pursuing perfection, which in the end, will only leave a person demoralized.

** Consider these differences:
1) A key difference between the Perfectionist and the Optimist is that the former tries to reject reality while the latter embraces it.

2) The Perfectionist will tend to deny failure, while the Optimist accepts failure as a natural part of life - that failure is an experience which ultimately leads to success.

3) The Perfectionist seeks happiness, yet also tends to reject painful emotions… They unintentionally replace the “real” world with a fantasy world – a world where neither failure nor painful emotions are acceptable. The Optimist, on the other hand, accepts that painful emotions are an inevitable part of living life. They embrace this world for what it is – and accepts that in this world failure and sorrow is inevitable. They understand that success needs to be measured against honest standards that embrace all the realities of life.

4) The perfectionist struggles with ever feeling truly “satisfied” because they set standards, and have expectations, that are essentially impossible to meet. The Optimist will set high standards too, but these standards are attainable because they are grounded in reality, with honest expectations.

** Some thoughts adapted from: The Pursuit of Perfect - Tal Ben-Shahar