Helping The Blind

Posted on August 07, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

We are all blind to ourselves in various ways. We just do not see ourselves for who we really are. As an African proverb states, “Alone, I have seen many marvelous things, none of which were true.” The fact is, we do not see reality without the help of others.

And since we all have these blind spots, we need to continuously seek the wisdom and perspective of individuals who know us very well. For there will be times when our life is reflecting poor attitudes or behaviors - and though we may not recognize this, those around us will.

There have been times when I thought I was balancing my work and family quite well, only to later find out that my wife or children were feeling neglected. And though I was not aware this was happening, it was the feedback from my family that helped get me back on course.

And there are other useful sources of feedback as well…

For example, there is the weight scale in the bathroom. Whenever I try to convince myself that I am immune to foods with a high content of sugar, or think I can go a couple of weeks without working out, the scale in my bathroom is quick to correct my thinking. My point is, whenever your life starts to drift out of balance, it will send signals intended to help you get back on track. But these signals will only help if you look for, and then embrace, the feedback sent your way.

I have a love-hate relationship with the concept of feedback. Though I agree feedback is useful… I have a natural tendency to believe I am already perfect, or that others don’t notice my faults.

** And I know I’m not alone in this. It’s been my experience as a consultant that many leaders struggle with receiving feedback from their peers or subordinates without becoming defensive and personally upset by what is said. The reason for this is pride. Pride prevents you from humbly seeking and accepting what others see in your life. But since you are blind to yourself in some areas, the seeds for your future growth and success will always be found in the feedback being sent to you from these various sources. Feedback really is the breakfast of champions.

I challenge you to embrace the concept of feedback and find out what other people think about how you are living your life. What feedback would your subordinates, close friends, and spouse provide regarding your life? And when you receive the feedback, look for patterns and themes. If one person says you are an elephant, they are probably delusional, but if three or four people say you are an elephant . . . then, in some odd way, you are an elephant. Accept what other people observe in your life and resist the temptation to be defensive by simply thanking them for their honesty.