The Positive Power Of No

Posted on July 24, 2010 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

Recently, I heard a friend talk about the “positive power of no.” Basically, he said that until we have the confidence and ability to say “no” to many of the good things around us - we will not be freed up to say “yes” to the really great opportunities in life.

William Ury explains in “The Power of a Positive No” that perhaps the single biggest mistake we make when we say No is to start from No. We derive our No from what we are against — from what we do not want. A Positive No calls on us to do the exact opposite - to base our No on what we are for - on what we really want to accomplish in life. That the true power of “no” is rooted in a deeper “Yes” — a Yes that align with our core values, interests and dreams.

I read of someone who suffered from a serious addiction to alcohol that nearly cost him and others their lives in a car accident. He tried many times to give up the habit but always failed. Then at the age of sixty, just when all hope seemed lost, he found in himself the will to say No and stop drinking. The secret? “When my first grandchild was born,” he says, “I wanted more than anything to live long enough to see him grow up. It was his birth that motivated me to get treatment and stop drinking. Since then, for over fifteen years now, I have not touched a drop.” His Yes to being present for his grandchildren — to be able to play with them and see them grow — motivated his powerful No to alcohol.

His story serves to illustrate an everyday paradoxical truth: The power of your No comes directly from the power of your Yes.

From reactive to proactive… The biggest obstacle to saying No successfully is our tendency to act, and make decisions, without clear purpose - thus our Nos tend to be reactive. Start today by defining your YES. Intensely clarify your underlying goals, values and dreams - which will serve as a guides, and enable you to confidently say “No.”